Knowing If You are Ready to Put Your Baby Up for Adoption

Posted on: 4 December 2015

You're unexpectedly pregnant and you're terrified. Many women in your situation often feel trapped, unprepared, and unable to take care of their baby. Adoption can be the best solution in these situations, but it can be a difficult situation for many women. Understanding if it is the right option for you and preparing yourself for the emotional difficulties is key to adoption success.

Talk to the Biological Father

Giving a child up for adoption is not a one-way street: the father of the child also has a say in the process. Talk to him before deciding on adoption. For many women, this will be a difficult process. For example, the father may not even be aware that you are pregnant and may react in a negative way or may be just as frightened as you are. Such feelings may lead him to deny paternity when processing the information.

That's why a paternity test is so important in these situations; it can help him recognize his responsibility. It will also establish his legal rights concerning the process of adoption. Remember: fathers can actually block adoption by protesting. Make sure he is on the same page as you before moving on in the process.

Assess Your Reasons For Choosing Adoption

Every woman has a different reason for wanting to choose adoption. And it's up to each of them to decide if their reasons are strong and valid enough. Adoption is a difficult task and it requires fully understanding why you want to do it. Reasons that many women choose adoption include:

  • Relationship problems
  • Concerns about money
  • Lack of maturity
  • Potential interference with life plans
  • Drug or alcohol use

Whatever your reason, you have to decide if it is a strong enough reason. For example, if the biological father of your child is abusive or difficult, it may be best to remove the child from such a dangerous situation. Likewise, if you're still in high school and don't feel you're financially stable or mature enough to raise a child, you're doing both of you a favor by choosing adoption.

Consider Your Emotional Preparedness

If you have decided that adoption is your only option, you need to consider how emotionally prepared you are for the process. Adoption can be an emotionally difficult process for the birth mother. You're likely going to feel a wide range of emotions during each stage of the process, especially after you have given birth.

These emotions range from:

  • Shock at your decision
  • Depression
  • Desire to reverse your decision
  • Anger and resentment towards the new parents
  • Frustration and confusion about your own actions

This burst of emotions is understandable, but you shouldn't feel ashamed of your decision. If it was truly the right decision, you and the child will both benefit. Instead, you need to move forward by accepting your life post-adoption.

Remember: adoption is giving your child a new life and a step out of what could be a very difficult situation with you. And there's always the chance that you can communicate and visit with your child. Make sure to talk to an adoption agency, such as A Child's Dream, and the adoptive parents to sort out your rights.

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When I started volunteering at a local school, I realized that there were a few kids who obviously didn't learn key values at home. They had a hard time being respectful to others and making friends, and I found myself wondering how to make my own family better. Each and every day, I would take mental notes at school and then work with my own family to make some changes. We started talking to each other more politely and focusing on honesty and integrity. This blog is all about improving your relationships with your kids and spouse and how to instill key values.

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